Does the irrational obsession with having another baby ever go away?

I turned 35 on Saturday and I’m starting to wonder about the biological clock and the lot. I’ve always wanted a big family. Coming from a smallish family, with only having 1 sibling, I saw myself with at least 5 children. There will always laughter around me, always noise, always someone around. Now I know we can complain sometimes of kids being underfoot and wanting just 5 minutes of peace and quiet. But this is what I saw for my life growing up.

Then I got older, I had 2 children and realised the financial implications of having children. Yet the yearning is still there for another. The husband isn’t very keen at the moment. He’s worried about the finances and the space and whatever else it is that dad’s worry about.

We have 2 boys and with everyone asking us when we’re going to try for the girl, I can’t help but wonder the same thing. Although we have a 50% chance of it being another boy, there’s always that what if. I even wrote myself a letter with the pros and cons of having another baby. Did that work? Nope. Not a damn!

I know realistically we can’t afford another. But how do I let it go? How do I get rid of the fantasy of having another baby? I imagine this little girl, with dark curly hair and a doll under her arm. Sucking her thumb (like I used to) and holding onto my hand. I imagine being there for her choosing dresses, hairstyles, fighting over the razor or how short her skirt is. I imagine helping her with the planning for her wedding, answering her questions with her first pregnancy, being her go to person always.

Granted, I will experience most of the above with my boys yes, but it is well known that although boys can be momma’s boys, when they’re all grown up and married, the chances of them spending most of their time visiting me and not their mothers in law, is slim. Girls gravitate towards their mom, I know I did. I just don’t want to miss out on experiencing some of the things my mom did. I’m being selfish, I know but how do I let it go?

I’ve tried Googling how not to be so obsessed with having another baby, I’ve tried letters and lists. But if I must copy and paste my search history, you’ll see things like “what is life like with a third baby?”, “how to have a successful VBA2C?”, “successfully trying for a girl”, “how to win the Lotto”

Did/do you ever yearn for another baby?

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