I have so many thoughts racing through my head but not one that I can put properly into words. So many things scattered around and I can’t formulate one thought that is coherent enough for anyone to understand. So I thought I’d do a quick currently post, hoping this would bring some type of order into my head.

Reading

I’m reading Baking Cakes in Kigali by Gaile Parkin as part of my book club. I’m really taking long to read it, not because I don’t find it interesting but just because I’d rather sleep the extra hour than read. I’m liking how easy a read it is and learning about the different cultures as portrayed in the book.

Listening

Not listening to anything music related. I’m listening to my colleagues complain when I’m work. I’m listening to my kids fight when I’m at home. I’m listening to my heart and looking for ways to work from home as I can’t deal with my current situation any longer.

Feeling

There’s so much going on here. The first big thing is that I feel like I need to work for myself. I’m looking at ways to make this work. Thinking of what I can do/make/sell to make a living for myself. The second is the whole baby thing from my last post. Still undecided about it and no plan set. Then there’s the house hunting. This is ongoing since February this year and we’re nowhere closer now than we were 8 months ago. At the moment, I’m just praying for patience, guidance, clarity and strength to find the answers I need and trust that God will give us what we need in the right time.

Doing

I’m still going to Switch classes every Saturday but feel like I need to do more. So I’ve bought myself a kettlebell and doing a short 10 minute workout every second evening. The other evenings I try to do a Gillian Michael’s workout. I say try because I haven’t been able to keep to any set schedule.

Kids

I’m really struggling with Ethan’s tantrums. Is it because I’m older and have less patience than I did with Matthew? The child says no to me, he ignores me, he plain refuses to do anything I ask him to do, and when he asks for something (usually a sweet treat) and I tell him not now, he needs to have breakfast first and not eat sugar as soon as his eyes open, he throws himself on the floor and screams! I can’t deal guys. Other than that, he’s making progress in the talking, he’ll be ready for potty training soon (Yay no more nappies), and he’s sleeping a whole lot better.

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Matthew is doing great. He’s emotional, like his mom. He listens (mostly) and has started trying new foods. There are still a few niggles at crèche, with him not listening as much as he should be and apparently the girls are all over him there. The teacher says that she’s a bit worried about how much he allows them to do to him but says she’s spoken to him about how he should speak up for himself and not allow anyone (even a little girl) to do anything to him that he doesn’t like. This is going to be a work in progress (I think they kiss his cheeks, and want to sit all around him. Not too sure as I didn’t have time to chat to the teacher properly about it yet).

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Overall, I’m feeling anxious, worried and a bit in over my head. I know I need to let go and trust that what happens will happen. Maybe it’s because of my recent birthday that I’m feeling all these feels? Well, whatever it is, as long as it helps me grow into who I need to be, then bring it!

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