I am so tired of this dark cloud that is following me around recently. I am sick of the mommy-guilt wracking me about not being present enough with the boys. I am so over being blue, and af, and I need to work out of this funk I find myself in. So we’re doing an update on the family post. Hopefully this will be a bit upbeat and make me feel better.

Pregnancy

I will be 13 weeks along on Sunday (can we get a hell yeah to the second trimester!!!) and I haven’t felt better health wise. I don’t want to jinx it but I didn’t suffer with much nausea, tiredness or aches or pains. Long may it last. I’ve started feeling little pops and bubbles and seriously cannot wait for a definitive kick that Mark and the boys can feel. I’ve lost 2kg since I found out I’m pregnant, not sure whether to be concerned or not, but will chat to my doc when I see her again. All in all, things are great with the pregnancy. People are genuinely concerned about my well-being and I need to remember there is no malice or offence intended when someone asks me how’s things going lol.

Matthew

This little big dude is generally a gentle, calm soul. He’s sensitive and emotional and loves touching (like holding your hand or hugging or rubbing your fingers). He’s had a bit of a rough week I think. He’s been crying every morning that he doesn’t want to go school. Now I’m not sure if something is going on at school or if he’s just tired. He sleeps about 8-9 hours every night but this is the first time that he has had to drop his afternoon nap. Will have to have a chat with him over the weekend about it. I wish employers would give mom/dad paid leave to be home with their kids during school holidays. I’m not even asking for the whole of the holidays but 2 or 3 days would at least help me with the mommy-guilt.

Ethan

Oh my independent, wild child. He’s the total opposite of Matthew. Wild, loud (he’s always shouting), energetic yet stubborn, kind and empathetic. He will fight with Matthew until he starts crying, then he will sit next to Matthew, put his arm around him and give him these little butterfly kisses while whispering shhhh shhhh. He’s gone through 3 week of potty training and you guys, I am so proud of this little guy! He’s messed his pants maybe 3 times since we started and he’s wet the bed about 4 or 5 times but we’re getting somewhere. I was really concerned that he would take a lot longer than Matthew did but he is about on par. I have a fight with him every morning where he does this scream/shout thing for no apparent reason. He is probably still tired thus the screaming but seriously, screaming??? At 5:50 in the morning?

Mark

Oh how I love this man. We’re together 16 years this October, married for half that time. You’d think knowing someone that long, you would know them inside out, dislikes, thoughts, everything. But you know what, you are constantly learning from each other. Learning new things every day about each other. Yes I know a lot of things about him, how he likes his coffee, his dreams and his hopes, his favourite food (it’s lasagne by the way) but we are all constantly changing, and we need to communicate with our spouse regularly to not feel left behind while they’re growing and changing. He’s having a bit of a stressful time at work at the moment, and it shows. I hope that things quieten down a little for him so that he can also enjoy this pregnancy a bit with me and not have to work such long hours (with extra hours worked at home).

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I am so lucky to have my sister and dad around to help with the kids when Mark isn’t around. He has to go away for a few days next week, and if it wasn’t for them, I am not sure how I would cope. These 2 people do so much for us, helping us out and just being there. I wish there was a way I could thank them more than I already have.

I have such an amazing family, my husband, my boys, my sister, my dad, my friends. Everyone is family. Everyone always makes an effort to be present in our lives and just be there when we need them. If you’re reading this, you know who you are and I want to say thank you. I don’t say it often enough and next time I see you, be prepared for a massive bear hug!

 

I’m feeling better after writing this, so it does help. Misery loves company right, so I guess happiness is an inside job then.
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