I’m juggling my balls and at first everything is going well. I have about 4 or 5 balls that stay up there and everyone is oohing and aahing over how I get my ball to stay in the air. Then some asshole decides to just chuck another ball in there. I struggle to control it but I get the hang of it and my balls are all in the air. Oh crap, here comes another ball. And another one. My balls aren’t all staying in the air now. One by one they fall down, until I only have one ball left in each hand. Guess I have to pick my balls up and start juggling them all over.
Guys, I don’t want to complain because I don’t really have much to complain about. But my brain is foggy and I need to get this shit out. So please bare with me, hopefully by getting it out, I can get over it, and we can get back to normal programming on this here blog.
This one is getting me down the most I think. Not only because this will be our 2nd Mother’s Day without my mom already. This will be my 6th Mother’s Day and I know for sure that it’s just going to be another day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys and I know that one day they will be able to show me their appreciation and and and…. I’m just bummed that no effort will be made for me, you know. And it’s not Mark’s fault. There is just no extra money laying around for us to go out for lunch or to get the kids to buy me a chocolate even. It will get better, I know it will.
We’ve been house hunting since February last year and we’re no where close to finding our new home. Our house is getting too small for us (and the baby isn’t even here yet). I’ve started repacking cupboards and being strict with chucking crap out. Yet we’re still running out of space. Not enough packing space, too much things that don’t have a spot, no closed garage to pack all the bigger things. I can’t wait to find our forever space, I’m just hoping it happens before the baby comes.
I feel like I’m failing as a mother. Not doing enough with the boys, not taking them to enough places, always saying no. Matthew keeps asking me when we are going up Table Mountain again and I can’t answer him (we have season tickets, so money isn’t even an issue here). They watch more tv than I’d like, Matthew is on his tablet too often and I’m not stopping him. We all know the script and lyrics to all the songs to Moana and Trolls (Ethan’s favourite movies atm). Urgh, why is this so hard?
Matthew has started crying that he doesn’t want to go to school any more. When I chat to him about it, all he says is that the work is hard and that he can’t do it. He’s always so negative and saying that he’s “stupid” or that it’s “too hard” or that he won’t be able to be a scientist any more. I’ve tried to be positive, explain to him that he can do it, that I believe in him, that he is more than capable of doing his best and just trying. I need help with this one. Anyone?
We also got some terrible news yesterday which I’m not going to share just yet. It was extremely unexpected, caught us off-guard and unprepared and now we need to figure out how to go forward from here. Don’t worry, it’s not the pregnancy/baby, everything is great there!
Here’s to moving forward with more positivity and a grateful heart.