So it’s been another break between posts. Can’t believe 3 weeks have passed since I last posted. Guess it’s time for another update.
I’m 2 and a bit weeks away from meeting our newest family member. These last few weeks have been a bit tough though. I’ve been suffering with super uncomfortable Braxton hicks, groin pains, sharp pains up my hoohaa (sorry for the tmi), leg cramps, sore boobs and bleeding gums. Despite all those complaints, I have been trying to be more mindful of this pregnancy. Taking notice when I get kicks, or when baby hiccups, and trying to get the boys to feel baby move. At 36 weeks along, it’s been a journey and I can’t believe we’re almost at the end.
It’s been a bit of an emotional ride too. Not only knowing that I won’t get my vba2c, or that baby won’t be able to choose it’s own birthday, but also that this will be the last time I’ll ever experience a pregnancy. I know I’ve been lucky enough to be pregnant 3 times but knowing that I will never be able to have another baby is something I’m still trying to get over. Even though we know for sure that this will be our last child and have thought long and hard about it, and discussed it at length, it’s still a bit of a tough pill to swallow. I’m sure things will look up when baby is here and we’re stuck in the newborn zombie phase.
I feel like my head is all over the place and I can’t concentrate on just one thing. Work is very stressful at the moment, even though I try not to let it get to me. I can’t wait for next Friday when I finish off. I worry how the boys are going to react when the baby is here. At least the baby’s things are sorted. Cot is out, clothing is washed, both our bags are packed and arrangements have been made for the boys. I think this is why my blog is suffering, because I can’t concentrate even though I want to (need to) get my thoughts out of my head.
Matthew has been going through a bit of a trying phase (oh please let it just be a phase). Back-chatting, lying, stealing. He has the attitude of a teenager and it’s driving me bonkers. I’ve started making us time for him and myself. Time where we just sit on my bed while Ethan is busy with something else, and he gets to speak about whatever it is he wants. I’m trying to get him to know that he can talk about anything with me and that he doesn’t need to be afraid. Something came out of these conversations that I’m not ready to talk about on the blog yet, but it’s made me understand him a little better and why he’s been reacting the way he has. We’re working on it and it’s getting better. Seriously want to implement Leigh’s star chart with the boys soon. Hoping this improves their behaviour a little bit before it gets worse.
*whispers* Ethan has started sleeping through in his own bed.
It helps that I’m not sleeping as deeply as I used to, so when he walks into our room in the middle of the night, I wake up and send him back to his own room. We had to replay this spiel for a few nights before he stopped waking up and started sleeping through. Luckily just in time before baby comes. He’s still a stubborn little so and so and tests my patience every day. He’s been fully potty trained for about 8 months now but still has these little “accidents” every now and then. I know why it happens, he’s too focused on playing or doing whatever it is he’s doing, that when he eventually realises he can’t keep it in anymore, it’s too late. I just need him to realise that he needs to stop what he’s doing when he feels the urge to use the bathroom and just go. I think the star chart will help with this.
Otherwise, I’m more worried about how Ethan will react to the baby than how Matthew does. I am so aware of not letting Ethan get middle child syndrome but also need to realise that I can’t put too much pressure on Matthew either. Why is parenting so freaking hard?!?!
This man has been my rock! He’s helped out so much with the boys and things around the house. He’s been so understanding about me not cooking or cleaning because of this pregnancy. He’s rubbed my back and made way in our bed for my pregnancy pillow. He’s an absolute star and I love him so much. Okay, enough with the sap. He’s also under immense pressure and stress at work. With a lot of responsibilities been put on him to perform. He’s working harder now than he did at his previous company and he comes home tired every evening. I’m hoping things change a little for him in the near future and that he finds his joy again in his work.
On another note, I’m super, duper proud of myself. I managed to tick something off my list of goals last week. I passed my driver’s licence test at almost 36 years old and being 35 weeks pregnant. It was THE most stressful morning of my life but I did it!!!
I’m hoping to post again before the baby arrives, but if not, the next post will be about the baby’s arrival!
PS: if you can, please help us choose a girl name. We have decided on a boy’s name but can’t pick any off our list of girls. Which one do you like?